minor breakthroughs

i am a fat woman. that is to say, when i sit, the rolls of fat around my mid-section spill over the waistband of my pants. from the top, that is, when i look down upon my lap while sitting, my protruding belly obscures the apex of my thighs from view. this was not cause for much distress until now, but i have, as they say, let myself go, to such an extent that sitting down, in a pair of jeans held up by a belt, for any duration of time has become rather an uncomfortable affair. the leather of the belt digs into my fat-rolls, you see. so things must very quickly be taken in hand again. i had said to myself that upon my return to school, i would only consume salad for outside meals. i have been here for about four days now, and i have yet to consume a leaf of salad. i have, however, treated myself to savoury crepes, coq au vin, creme brulee, several versions of hot chocolate, chocolate cake, spanakopita, moussaka, bad chinese-buffet fare, and a chicken entree at a chain restaurant touted as a 'healthy' selection at 657 calories. this illustrates a very basic and very trying problem my better nature comes up against when faced with just about any unpleasant task. i am, like the popular description of debauched victorian women, essentially weak of will. here, imagine me heaving a profoundly miserable sigh. i am also quite hysterical and given to throwing fits in the company of lovers and any other such personages that are inclined to indulge me. but that is not the primary issue here. i have not yet learnt to bear the great weight of restraint, which, as i have always maintained, is the true measure of maturity. hence i make hasty choices and impulsive decisions, for fear of obsessing over decisions for an undue amount of time, or worse, passing them on to some other authority. these latter i suppose are qualms that my better nature constantly castigates me about.

i wish to be austere, ascetic and steady. yes. those are the most keenly felt desires of my entire life.

anyway, this is all a long-winded preamble to recording an infinitesimally small, and uninspiringly quotidian fact: today is the day that i was able, out of my own free will, to consume an entire green apple. i even sliced it up for the purpose all by myself, while not being under any parental duress. thus was conquered my lifelong aversion to fruit.

also, notice to all readers: this blog may yet be transformed into the confessions of a weightloss aspirant and document all the struggles faced by fat apple-shaped women wishing to at least be comfortable in size 7 jeans. fair warning. :)